Apologies to Myself


Photo taken by ©2012-2017 MariannaInsomnia

Perhaps I should apologize
It was easier to let you drown and sink than to save you
Easier to despise you than to learn to love you
Easier to blame you than to fix you…
I was an anxious coward, afraid to bloom into a flower
Hopes and dreams devoured, I was eager for that last hour
I never kissed you to sleep or sang you lullabies
I only fed you nightmares and left you traumatized
Tore the confidence you wore, so you stood vulnerable and defenseless
Rather than holding you as you rest, I brought you to madness
Perhaps I should apologize…
But can you look at me without turning away?
Will you love me despite being the devil in your play?
Can you forgive me for burning your colors and leaving you with ash and shadows?
Perhaps I should apologize…..
But can you trust me when I tell you I’ll learn to love you?
I’ll fix the bones I broke, bring back the flesh I tore, and I’ll stitch the skin I left open for pain to reach
I’ll accept you with all your flaws and stars
And when you are in need of saving I’ll be there, armor and sword ready for the battle
I will learn to love you once again

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